Stand by Me
by meowkoshka
Summary: A twist on 4x15. Elena finally accepts something her friends have been trying to get her to realize all day, and she falls apart. Threatening to burn down the house, she burns her finger on a match. And there was something about that pain... TRIGGER WARNING: self harm *I do not own Vampire Diaries. I do make a few direct quotes from the episode.* Delena, buddings of Stefan/Caroline
1. He's Dead

"We can bring back everyone! Jeremy, Alaric…"

Bonnie and Caroline's arguing voices were just noises and everything was starting to blur. Oh my god. Jeremy is dead. The ring was never going to work on him again. We failed to get the cure so he didn't fulfill his destiny which meant he was still a hunter. Which meant that the ring wasn't going to work. Which meant that I was all alone, with no one. My last loved one was dead.

And then the phone rang.

"I'll get it," I said blankly getting up from my seat.

"No, Elena don't worry about it," Matt began but I cut him off.

"I said I got it."

"Hello."

"Hi Elena? Its April, uh April Young. Look, do you know where Jeremy is I've been calling him but his phone keeps going straight to voicemail."

I could tell everyone was honed in on our conversation.

"Jeremy…Jeremy can't come to the phone right now because…He's dead. Jeremy is dead."

I didn't even wait for her to reply – I hung up.

I could hear the stillness behind me. Caroline stood up in her chair, "Elena…" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I can't do this. Not here. Not now. I pushed my way out of the kitchen, past Stefan and Damon who both tried to stop me and ran up the stairs and into Jeremy's room.

I approached his bed. Meredith had covered his body with a blanket. I reached out to pull it back but I hesitated. _"His muscles are already rigid, Elena. In a few hours he will begin to bloat and his skin will discolor and he will begin to smell." she had said._ I pushed the thought out of my mind and slowly pulled the blanket from his face. I gasped taking in his face – it was pale, ghostly white – he actually looked dead.

I heard footsteps approach behind me and turned to see Damon standing in the doorway. His eyes were so sad. They were so sad for me.

"He's dead." I began. "He's dead Damon and he's been dead this entire time and—" That's when the smell start to hit me and I grabbed my nose. "Oh my god how long has he smelled like that?" I could sense that I was starting to lose it, my voice braking, my hands trembling.

"Hey, talk to me. I can help you." Damon said as he slowly approached me. I swallowed back my tears. "We-uh- we have to take care of his body. Just bring him down and put him on the couch."

"Elena, why don't we just talk about—"

"Just bring it down!"

I ran down the stairs and saw Stefan and Caroline in the kitchen, no doubt they were listening upstairs. "Where's Bonnie?" I asked.

"Matt took her home, we thought it was best."

"OK I guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way." I said as I started rummaging through the kitchen. I tried my best to single all my energy on my search. I can't fall apart, it'll just prove that I'm so weak. I can't be weak.

"Looking for something, Elena?" Caroline asked. Then I found the lighter fluid and started pouring it all over the kitchen.

"Elena!" Stefan cried as I moved into the living room pouring more fluid as I went. "There's nothing here for me anymore Stefan! I don't want these sketches, I don't want this X-box." I said kicking a controller onto the floor. Picking the Bourbon up from the shelf I said, "Sure not gonna need this Bourbon anymore now that Alaric's not here to drink it. I mean unless you wanna bring back every supernatural creature." I moved towards Damon. "Would you? Would you Damon? I know you want your drinking buddy back. I wouldn't. Does that make me a bad person?" I poured some Bourbon onto Jeremy's body and the couch. I pulled his ring off and tossed it to Damon. "He doesn't need that anymore."

"Elena stop it you're scaring me!" Caroline yelled. "What are we supposed to do with the body Caroline?" I poured some Bourbon on the picture of Jeremy and I. "I mean there's no room in the Gilbert family plot." I smashed the picture and bottle into the fireplace and struck a match.

"Elena wait" Stefan pleaded.

"There's nothing here for me anymore Stefan! This house is filled with the memories of the people I love that have died. I mean, how can I? How am I supposed to? I don't even know what—OW!" The match had burned my finger and as I dropped it Damon sped over catching it in his hand.

But in that moment, that burn. For that one second my mind was pulled from everything else as my finger throbbed in pain. And in that moment, I felt sweet relief.

"Elena," Damon whispered. "I need you to calm down."

I looked up at him blankly filled with confusion and awe at my new discovery. I could tell he was troubled by my sudden silence as he looked at me with caution. He carefully took my shoulders and drew me into his chest, holding my head against his chest. I closed my eyes breathing in his smell. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I don't know—"

"Its ok Elena, you're going through the unimaginable." He said.

I pulled away from him and turned to Stefan and Caroline. "I guess we should clean this place up."

"Are you sure you're okay to do that? Two seconds ago you were gonna burn your house down." She started. "I mean, I'm glad you changed your mind! But…" She looked frantically to Stefan and Damon.

"Elena, why don't you go home with Damon and rest. We'll call Meredith and have her take Jeremy and Caroline and I will stay and clean up." Stefan said moving forward to touch my face.

I nodded. "Okay, let's go Elena." Damon said as he took my hand and lead me out the door.


	2. Hot Water

Stefan and Caroline were washing up the last of the lighter fluid in the kitchen. Meredith came just a few minutes earlier with an ambulance and brought Jeremy to the morgue. Both hadn't really said much after what they had just witnessed.

"Stefan," Caroline finally spoke. "She almost just totally lost it."

Stefan nodded sadly.

"I don't understand what stopped her."

"Honestly," Stefan sighed. "I think when Damon caught the match. It kind of shocked her into realizing how out of control she was and in her shock she just submitted."

"We're not out of the woods yet."

"I know. But we just have to be there for her, okay?"

Stefan looked up to see that Caroline had tears in her eyes.

"Caroline, it'll be okay."

She nodded and tried to smile but a sob came out instead.

Stefan wrapped his arms around her. "I can't even imagine what she must be feeling Stefan, and I wish there as something more we could do."

Stefan pulled Caroline back and looked into her eyes, "We can be there for her and help her go through this as healthily as possible. And we need to make sure that _we're_ going through this as healthily as possible. I know Tyler being gone is really hard for you."

Caroline nodded and took a deep breath before falling back into Stefan's chest.

* * *

Back at the boarding house, Damon had Elena in a hot bath. She just sat there seemingly emotionless and Damon began to worry that she may have turned it off. "Elena?" he called bringing her to look at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know Damon. I'm exhausted, I'm sad, I'm confused, I'm disturbed at my own denial, scared how I almost burned my house down and—." She stopped, she couldn't tell him about the match. How it felt as it burnt her skin.

"Well that sounds like a lot of feelings to me." He smirked trying to get just a small smile out of her but it didn't work. "Just relax, Elena. Let's finish up your bath and we'll get you tucked into bed okay?" She nodded.

Her body was limp as Damon finished washing out her hair. Thankfully he could feel her muscles relax a little as he massaged her scalp. After dipping her head back into the water to rinse out the shampoo, he grabbed a fluffly warm towel opening it up for Elena to come into. He wrapped her up giving her a small kiss on the head before letting her go. "Are you ok to dry off?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay.

"Don't you set anything on fire." He smirked, this time getting a small smile from her. "There's my girl," he said and walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

As I dried off my mind kept thinking about the match. The burn. The way it took my mind off of everything. I said it multiple times that the only thing keeping me sane during my early vampire days was my brother. And now he's gone. I started shaking again just thinking about it. I can't go there again. I have to keep this contained. I went back to the tub and turned the hot water faucet on and stuck my hand under the water. Slowly the temperature start to increase and my hand shook from the pain. My skin started turning red and it hurt so bad I felt it in my fingernails. But I couldn't take my hand out. Not yet. Soon the pain consumed me and I moaned in pain yanking my hand out from the water. Turning the faucet off I sat down against the tub clutching my hand while it healed. My moment of sweet relief was cut short when Damon came in. "Elena I heard you, are you alright?"

I saw the wheels turning in his head as he took in the situation before him. It didn't take long for things to click. "Elena what did you do?" he asked rushing over taking my hand. His skin was so cool on my still warm flesh. It felt nice. "Elena." He said forcefully snapping me out of my trance. "I'm fine." I said snatching my hand out of his and walking out of the room, leaving Damon on the floor confused, heartbroken, and absolutely worried.


	3. The Sire and the Switch

"She did what?" Caroline asked, absolutely astonished.

"I walked in and it was really hot and I saw her clutching her hand. It was all red and she was staring at it. Just staring blankly. She had to have burned herself." Damon explained.

"That's what must have stopped her back at the house before," Stefan began pouring himself a drink and sitting down on the couch in the living room. "The match. When she burned herself before she just stopped. All the emotions stopped and were pushed  
/away because of the physical pain."

"And she's going to keep doing it because she doesn't want to fall apart." Damon figured following his younger brother to the couch.

"What are we gonna do guys?" Caroline asked.

"The sire bond." Stefan said.

"Yeah," Damon said. "What about it?"

"Damon you have to invoke the sire bond to make her stop doing this."

"You're right brother."

* * *

I couldn't sleep. I tossed back and forth restlessly in Damon's large bed. My brain was reeling. My brother is dead. I almost burned my house down. I burned my hand on purpose. And I liked it. And I need to do it again so I can sleep.

But Damon caught me and he knows. Which means Stefan and Caroline also know. Which means I'm never going to be left alone ever again.

And I was right because just as that thought left my head all three of them came in the room. "What" I moaned rolling over to face away from them.

"Elena," Damon began sitting down on the bed next to me, pulling me to face him. "We need to talk."

"I told you Damon, I'm fine."

"No you're not, Elena! Your brother is dea-"

"I know he's dead!"

"Elena," Stefan intervened cautiously. "Just listen." He nodded for Damon to continue.

"Elena I want you to know that its okay that you're feeling like this. But you can't take it out on yourself."

I rolled my eyes but Damon cupped his hand to my cheek forcing me to look at him once again.

"Elena," he continued. "Please, for me, stop this. Don't hurt yourself anymore. You don't need to. We can help you."

I looked up to see Stefan and Caroline nod in agreement. I had to agree. They did care.

"Okay," I said. "I'm sorry. I love you guys you know that?"

"We know Elena," Caroline said moving forward to give me a hug. "And we love you too."

"Why don't you get some rest," Damon continued. "It'll make me happy."

I nodded turning over in the bed once again and sleep came to me quickly.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. My breathing was hard and I felt tears pouring down my cheeks. I turned to see Damon in the bed next to me. He told me that they wanted to help. I know he even invoked the sire bond, which meant that  
I didn't have a choice. I had to go to them for help. I reached up to tap Damon awake when a sparkle caught my eye.

My ring.

I could take my ring off. Slowly I slid it off and dropped it onto the night stand next to me. I looked at Damon sleeping once again. I don't need his help.

* * *

I woke to a searing pain on my arm. Opening my eyes a patch of sunlight was burning my exposed skin. My initial reaction was to bury under the covers until I remembered. This is exactly what I wanted.

I zoomed over to the curtains and flung them open my entire body igniting. I screamed out in agony feeling a weight lift off my chest. I felt free.

Next thing I know I'm on the floor cool foam being sprayed all over me while the curtains are closed. I turn over and see Damon kneel down and look at me. "Elena." He said sadly watching as I panted in pain and excitement while my skin quickly healed.  
Once it was he picked me up and zoomed down to the basement where he locked me in one of the cells. "This is for your own good." He said closing the door.

* * *

"How did she break the sire bond?" Damon asked in frustration.  
"I don't know Damon." Stefan answered. "Unless.."  
The brothers shared a look of shock before they zoomed down to Elena in her cell.

She was sat up against the wall, seemingly emotionless. "She couldn't have Stefan." Damon said.  
"We'll see." Stefan answered opening the door and crouching in front of Elena. "Elena. How do you feel?"  
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Isn't the answer so obvious?"  
The brother exchanged a glance.  
"I don't know Elena your ability to go against the sire bond has us pretty concerned." Damon answered, frustrated at the situation.  
"You think I flipped my switch don't you." She stated getting up and pacing the room. "I can't believe you would think that. I mean don't my actions point that I'm feeling too much. That's its overwhelming me and I'm doing all that I can to hang on!"  
She zoomed into the wall punching it as hard as she could leaving her fist broken and bloody. "Is this not a clear sign that I'm _feeling_ pain?!"  
"Elena," Stefan started. "It's ok to grieve!"  
"No Stefan because then I feel like I may never come out the other side of it!" She zoomed into the wall once again - this time Damom grabbing hold of her before she could do anything more to hurt herself.  
Stefan came up behind her and injected her with vervain, causing her to fall limp in Damon's arms.  
"She's right Damon." Stefan began. "Her pain is much greater than her sire to you. It's not gonna work."


	4. Saying Goodbye

I woke up in Damon's bed once again. My ring was on my finger and my wounds were healed. I turned to see Damon standing at his window. He had been crying and I could tell he was heartbroken. He wants to help me. They all do.

"Damon," I say sitting up. He wiped his eyes and walked over sitting down next to me taking my hands in his own. "I'm sorry."

He smiled softly placing his hand on my cheek. "You have to stop this Elena. I'm not just saying it to invoke the sire bond - which you broke - I'm saying it because I mean it."

I looked down at my hands unsure of what to say. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. Damon wiped it away with his thumb. "Elena everyone thought it might be a good idea for us to have a memorial service for Jeremy. It'll give you a chance to  
really say goodbye."

I inhaled sharply the pain in my heart roaring again. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "I think that'll be good."

* * *

Everyone walked to the graveyard and gathered around Jeremy's small tomb stone. Bonnie walked forward first and put a bouquet of roses down. "I love you Jeremy." She said crying and returned to her spot next to Caroline. Caroline walked forward and placed  
a flower down. Liz and Meredith came forward and did the same. Matt walked up next and put down the Xbox game he and Jeremy would play all the time. "After Vicky," he began. "You helped me find my way again. I know we only got really close the last few  
weeks with Damon's crazy hunter boot camp," he paused to look back at Damon and smile. "But you were a friend to me. And I'll never forget it." He choked back some tears before walking back to his place.

"Do you want to say anything Elena?" Caroline asked turning to me. I instinctively clung closer to Damon for a moment. Silent tears were rolling down my cheeks. I was fighting so hard to keep it together. Damon leant down and whispered to me, "it's okay.  
Go say something."

I slowly walked forward with the flowers in my hand. "You're keeping Ric company over there I know it. And you're with Aunt Jenna, and mom and dad." A sobcaught in my throat. I felt Damon step forward but I pushed him back. "I love you Jer" I said  
quickly placing the flowers down on his grave before returning next to Damon.

"I'm proud of you," He whispered to me giving me a kiss on the head. There was so much energy coursing through my veins. It felt like everything was closing in and I had to escape. "Damon," I said quietly. "I need to take a walk, I won't go far." And  
I zoomed to one of the trees behind us. Still close enough to where I could see everyone but far enough away where I felt I could breathe.

Stefan walked to the head of the group. "Let us all take a moment of silence for Jeremy." Everyone bowed their heads. I watched nervously from the distance. After a few minutes, Stefan looked to everyone "Thank you so much for coming." Everyone began  
exchangedhugs before making their way out of the graveyard. Damon made his way over to mytree.

"Elena," he said crouching down to meet my gaze. "You have to do this. It'll just be me and you." He reachedout his hand to me. "You have to say goodbye."  
Slowly I took Damon's hand and walked back to my brother's tomb. I knelt on the grass before it picking at it with nervous fingers.  
"I don't know what to really say to you Jeremy." I began. "I feel like an idiot for the way I've acted the past couple of days. But it just-" I was cut off by sobs. Damon knelt down behind me and placed an encouraging hand on my back. "It just hurts so  
much." The tears poured out of my eyes and I inhaled sharply through the sobs. "It hurts, it hurts. Oh it hurts. How am I gonna go on without you? You're my last family. I don't wanna say goodbye Jeremy." Damon wrapped his arms around me from behind.  
"I can't."  
I crumbled over as the tears fell and consumed me. I shook as sobs wracked through me. Damon pulled me into his arms and I collapsed into him. "I can't do this Damon. It hurts. It hurts so much."  
"I know it does, Elena." He said holding me tightly.

We stayed like that for a while. I cried and cried and cried. Damon held me in his arms placing kisses on my forehead and cheeks. Eventually the sobs died down. I exhausted my body. I leaned back against Damon's chest and looked at Jeremy's headstone.  
"I love you Jeremy, goodbye."


	5. Rest

Damon helped me up slowly before taking me into his arms to carry me back to his car. We drove in silence back to the boarding house. We pulled into the drive and Damon came around to walk me into the house. Some people were gathered around the  
fireplace. Caroline came up to me.  
"I won't smother you Elena but I want you to know that I'm really proud of you. I know this wasn't easy for you. I love you." She pulled me into her arms. "Thank you Caroline. For everything. I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

Damon and I made our way up to his room. Slowly I changed into my pajamas and crawled into the bed. Damon knelt down beside me taking my hand and broughtit to his mouth to kiss it. "You ok?" He asked brushing some of my hair back, caressing my cheek.

"I'm tired. And it still hurts. But I feel okay about it I guess. What I was doing before was just putting off the inevitable." I explained. Damon smiled. "You know what you need to do now?" "What?" "Rest. You've been through a lot. And you put yourself  
through extra. But today was good. You needed it."

Damon walked himself around the bed and crawled in next to me wrapping his arms around me.

He was right. I have to trust him though that he'll be there for me to hold on to when the pain gets tough. I held tightly to him once again and slowly fell alseep.


End file.
